5 Things I'd Love To See At E3, But Probably Won't

Opinion from Sarge - Wednesday, 08 June 2011 @ 1:11am

Let me preface this article by saying it's going to be pretty heavy on the "Opinion" side, so I'm sure most of you will read this thinking "oh as if that will ever happen, Sarge, you retard", but that's kinda the point, so if E3 was called Sarge3, this is probably going to be some of the things you're likely to hear about:

2011 seems to be the year of the fighting game, so why not have Def Jam release a new game? Any of you who have read my profile page will notice my rabid obsession with Def Jam: Fight For New York as being one of my favourite fighting games of all time. So when I heard that they were making another fighting game for the 360, Def Jam: Icon, I had to change my pants several times over. It got a little bit Pavlov's Dog at one stage. But then after about 30 seconds of playing Icon, I was reduced to a blubbering mess - they had truly fucked up what was turning into a great little franchise and turned it into a steaming pile of turds. Seriously, that game was fucking atrocious. In an ideal world, Icon is treated like it never existed, and Def Jam gives me another Fight For New York. At the end of the day, I'm pretty much just looking for a way to beat the crap out of Lil' Wayne. Is that guy is a nut-job or what.

Ever tried to set up a gaming session with a bunch of mates on the PS3? It's a freakin' nightmare! A while ago I tried to run an AustralianGamer community gaming night with Uncharted 2, and most of us rage-quit. Players kept dropping out (which is particularly annoying with Uncharted 2 because you can't just drop-in and drop-out once a game has started), and sending invites to people on your friends list doesn't actually send them an invite, it just sends them a message saying "Hey, you should come play Uncharted 2 with us!" What's the bloody point in that? I know it's a free service, but I'd rather a service that works that I have to pay for rather than something that's free and broken. I don't want to sound like an 360 fanboy here, but they really do have the multiplayer gaming side of things down pat.

Actually, while we're at it: Nintendo - read back what I just wrote, but substitute your name instead of Sony's, and "Mario Kart" instead of "Uncharted", because you're even worse! First there's the 5-billion digit friend codes, then you're giving me a whole new Friend Code depending on what game I'm then playing, and all for practically nothing? Forget it. I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR.

PS3's also don't allow multiple account sign-ins, which is just baffling. I tried to play You Don't Know Jack the other day with a friend of mine, and she wasn't able to log into her account because I was already logged in, so for all her hard work, I reaped the Trophy rewards!

Say what you want about the Firefly series, you must admit that Captain Reynolds is basically Nathan Drake In Space, so you can't say that this casting choice doesn't make sense. I know it'll never happen, but it'd be nice to see. Besides, I just hate Mark Wahlberg, so this is more about him not being Nathan Drake than it is about Nathan Fillion playing the role. Besides, Wahlberg was already Max Payne, he doesn't need to dumb down yet another great gaming character.

Seriously, what is Pokemon's deal? EA releases a new *INSERT AMERICAN SPORT HERE* game every year and people can't stop bitching and moaning about how "it's just like last year's title" and want to crucify EA at the stake for it, yet Pokemon releases a new game every 20 minutes, and nobody batts an eyelid. I admit, I've tried to play a Pokemon game, but it just seemed like the stupidest game I've ever played in my life. But then again, I am in my mid-30s, so I admit I'm probably a little too old to be at the right age when the first Pokemon game came out, but my point still stands. Even the most rabid of Pokemon fanboy can't argue that it's pretty much the same game but with a few more of those stupid animals in it and yet you guys eat that shit up.

Hey, a boy can dream!