Dear Sarge - Tips For Not Being A Douche-Bag While Playing Online

Opinion from Sarge - Tuesday, 22 February 2011 @ 8:02am

Every now and again, I get emails asking advice on a range of things - sometimes, even video games! So I decided to go through some of them, and pick some out and answer from of my favourites. Now then, let me find my glasses....

Hey Steve,

Well, I too have a near-full friends list on my 360, yet I never seem to have any problems finding people to play a game with. This leads me only one conclusion: when it comes to playing online, you're a massive douche-bag. But it's okay! I'm here to help you! Allow me to share with you what I like to refer to as "Sarge's Favourite Five Tips For Not Being A Douche-bag While Playing Online", or "SFFTFNBADWPO" for short. Most people are already aware of these rules, but it's your lucky day Steve, because I'm willing to repeat them once more, just for you.

1. Girls play too. Get over it.
This may be hard to believe, but you're not required to have a penis to play video games. Lots of girls these days play games - and what's more, they're good. Really good. This is fact, and you just need to get over it. Better still, here's some even advice for you: when playing against girls, treat them no differently to when you play with guys. Don't even think of them as girls. They're just "people who like playing games", that's it. No "guys" or "girls", just "people". Also, I'm embarrassed that I need to remind you, but don't harass them with messages questioning whether they're really a girl, don't demand that they send you a pic of their tits, don't tell them that they should get back to the kitchen, and don't ask them on voice-chat over and over "are you really a girl?", you're better than that... I hope.

2. There's always someone better than you at games
The rule here is simple: never rage-quit. Believe it or not, there will always be people better than you at games, but this is a good thing. Just like any other type of pastime, being either sports or the ability to find the best celebrity sex-tapes online, you'll only get better if you hang around people better than you. I have a friend who is Rain-Man when it comes to playing Rock Band. Whenever I play against him, he kicks my arse every single time - but you know what? My guitar skills have sky-rocketed since playing with him. It's simple - playing with better people makes you better. Be a gracious loser and don't rage-quit. Play with better people, watch how they play, and do what they do.

3. There's always someone worse than you at games
There's always new gamers every single day, and this is a great thing. Without other gamers, you can't play online! Simple! Remember when you first started playing Call Of Duty online? You probably sucked at it, huh? Everyone is new at games once, and we're all only human, so try not to rage at people who make silly mistakes because they haven't played the game as long as you have, because you just end up looking like a jerk. Nuture the young, let them flourish and become great … then watch them destroy you at every game you own.

4. Play lots of different games
Everyone has their own favourite type of game and their favourite game, but like the old cliche goes, variety is the spice of life. Sure, you may kick arse at Street Fighter 4, but what are you like at Need For Speed? Having your own favourite game that you go back to all the time is all well and good, but if you're wanting to be an all-round gamer, expand your gaming diet - it's the only way you'll get better. If you sit online all day cracking the shits because nobody wants to play Tekken with you, find another game.

5. Call People Out On Their Douche-baggery.
Like with any other disease, prevention is better than a cure. If you witness someone else displaying any of the behaviours above, then call them on it. I'm not suggesting some kind of lynch mob though. The point is this: let it be known that their behaviour is not cool and won't be tolerated. In a large enough group of people, whether you play video games, or are at a football game, there's always going to be a couple of dickheads. The important thing is to not let it be the accepted behaviour. A lot of people are mean online because they feel they have nothing to fear and nothing to be ashamed of. Let them know, as politely as possible, that their comments aren't needed and that they should concentrate on the game. Say it once, and once only - don't feed the trolls. If it continues, mute or block them however you can, and report them through the official channels, because there are teams there that will deal with these people. The best you can do, is one by one, try and change people's attitudes.

I hope that goes some way in helping you out Steve. All the best with your gaming.

--Sarge.